2017: The Year of Accountability

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With all of the planets going into retrograde right behind each other it’s hard to keep up with each of the lessons that life is trying to teach us all at once. I feel like it’s so many things I’ve learned about myself, I’m starting to believe I either don’t know me at all or I’m becoming an entirely new person. And I’m honestly not sure how I perceive either option. The only thing that I’m certain about is that regardless of how much I’ve tried to fight these changes, they’ve shown themselves to be more powerful than I expected. I’m still in the process of becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable and occurrences like these are exactly why.

I’m not the only one that has been overwhelmed with change, I look around and I notice that people who have always been majorly secure in themselves are majorly affected with these unexpected differences in life. Experience has always been said to be the best teacher, and when people show you their colors to believe them. But with everything going AWOL, you really don’t know what and who to believe. All sorts of communication are out of whack and it makes you not trust anything. For those of you that are unfamiliar with what retrograde is or what happens when a planet goes in retrograde, I’ll enlighten you really quick. When planets are retrograde the apparent motion of the planet in a direction opposite to that of other bodies within its system, as observed from a particular vantage point. (Google)

The scariest retrograde that we all never knew was messing with us is when Mercury goes into Retrograde . Mercury rules all types of communication, including listening, speaking, learning, reading, editing, researching, negotiating, selling, and buying. Mercury also rules all formal contracts and agreements, as well as important documents such as book manuscripts or term papers, agreements, deeds, contracts, leases, wills, and so forth. (AstrologyZone.com) So with that being the case if there is a lesson that is meant to be learned, during that time is when it will stick. All of that information was necessary because this is a very transparent time for a lot of people, myself included. I have been so emotionally and mentally naked , I’ve just been letting it happen.

Being self aware of things around you tend to be something small until you recognize how much power and control you have over your own circumstance. I like to believe that everyone God has placed in my life was on purpose. As I’ve gotten older I further believe that, the values and qualities I lack have been placed in the people I’ve grown to love and vice versa in order for me to properly receive them. My biggest heartache has been the lack of relationship I have with my mother. My mother (a Leo sun) was very distant and young in all aspects of the word. Young mentality, young attitude, young ways. Her whole world was about finding herself, and she often searched for who she wanted to be in men.It always failed her. Seeking validity from another soul will forever fail you is only one of the lessons I learned watching her from the outside.

Because of this behavior I grew up scorned. Men were entertainment to me. Merely something to keep around when I had nothing else to do. People are flawed and I felt like men held the most of them. In my mind they were unreliable, dishonest, disloyal, ungrateful and greedy. A Lot of crap I not only had no room for in my world, but I picked up these nasty habits in a defense to protect myself from them. But then I went to college, met a guy that was different, and wound up having an abortion at 21. I went through that alone. I laid on that table alone and fought that pain alone. Almost lost a really great friend because of it too. Turned around and had another abortion at 24 and again was on that table alone. But it was my fault. Using men for entertainment and not thoroughly protecting myself from what I thought turned my mother out. Love. Now at 26 I’m older and even hearing my mother’s voice makes me cry.

She doesn’t even have to say much, I just feel like she knows what I’m going through because she always finds me in my darkness. Struggling to make ends meet in Georgia, I hadn’t spoken to my mom in weeks.I was raised to be self sufficient so calling and asking for help has never been my thing. It literally makes me sick to do it and that’s been my biggest issue my entire adulthood. I’d rather go without than to swallow my pride and not just ask for help, but accept it willingly and not feel sick to my stomach because I didn’t have. I check my email and she randomly sends me money, how does she know that I need it? Because she’s my mommy and regardless of the disheartening relationship, I’m her first baby. All the way in Georgia she knows my heart is weary.

Today in my mom’s life, she calls and tells me she misses me because she knows that I feel the same way but my hyper masculinity and distaste for vulnerability won’t allow me to say it to her. I struggle with affection most times. Im one of those all or nothing people.Im either extremely sensitive or I don’t care at all. But imagine feeling strongly for someone and because you’ve programmed your mind to quiet your heart you can’t explain to them your emotions.

 

I hate that Im like this, but God is forcing me to open my world. Look at the platforms He’s presented to me. People come to me and ask about these blogs because they are being fed by my journey. Now I’m opening up and I’m so emotional it literally shocks me! I look so forward to marriage and children. Being a wife and a mom is literally a dream to me and a lot of it is simply so that I can share these experiences with my mom.

He’s still working on me. Im finally letting Him.

With Love,
Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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