3’s A Party
As a young woman who grew up in a single parent, very chaotic household I never saw what a cohesive co-parenting set up should look like. Lacking the luxury of one full time parent doesn’t really allow ones mind to venture into the “What if?” world of having two. As many of you may know my father was a kingpin, contrary to popular belief he was very active in my life. The issue there is, the activity was short lived. Between the constant power struggle with him and my mom co parenting was foreign to me. In my mind I believe they tried, but my mom wanted the family unit. Y’know, both parents in the house, white picket fence, lots of back yard space, the works. Unfortunately, my daddy wanted the streets a little more.
For the first 8 years of my life my mother was very, distant. I was rather aware of who she was and her supposed position in my life, I just assumed she had other things to accomplish. Her absence never bothered me much because my aunt,who I refer to as TeeMa or simply Mommy, was there to pick up the pieces. After the death of my father, the one man that was around me when I was young was my mothers first husband. He wasn’t what I believed to be a father or a man at all, he was vindictive and very abusive, so I never looked to him for advice or anything. He was just my moms husband until he wasn’t. He attempted to adopt me, but I wasn’t having any parts of that. Adoption sounds a lot like we’re running an orphanage and although my Papa was in the ground, I indeed had one and I knew he loved his baby girl.
Neither of my siblings interact with their dad, my closest cousins fathers aren’t the men who assisted in their birth and my friends dads were around, but I didn’t really know of it. So with that being said I’ve been very ignorant to the art of co parenting and the qualities it brings to a child to have a 2 parent household. It took me to become an adult, move away from the environment I was accustomed to and begin to date a man whose child is his life. His everyday is about ensuring the happiness and tranquility of his son. I admired it, envied it almost. He would separate from me or cut our “cute” time short to get home and tuck in his son. Watching them interact or being a witness to them holding hands as he walked him into the baby sister pulled on my heart strings and it made me re evaluate my thoughts on parenthood,men and adulthood in general.
I always had these stigmas in mind. “The female children should be with their mothers”The male children should be with their fathers” “If men want to be there, that’s fine, but we don’t need them” I later matured to recognize that I sounded like a bitter single mother. Never being able to pinpoint why I struggled with proper interaction with men. Or why I’m so emotionally unavailable that its become my entire disposition, especially when it’s pertaining to a male of my interest. My dad isn’t around to teach me any of those things and now it’s really a task for me to allow a man to teach me anything. I’ve always felt like men were invaluable and easily replaced. That’s where your mind goes when you’ve never seen a man, just a boy in men’s clothing. When dealing with a man that isn’t classified solely by genitalia, the differences are vast. At 26, I’ve watched the man I love give his child’s mom his highest honor regardless of relationship dynamic.
I’ve listened carefully to him explain to me what he didn’t have in a family and how desperately he wants to be able to provide that for his child and the children we plan to create as a unit. I’ve sat for hours and checked my tears when his voice went up an octave while telling me how he refused to miss any of his child’s first. The joy in his tone when he went into explicit detail about his first haircut, watching him take his first steps or say his first words. The maternal instinct in me warmed and now I’m a lot more receptive to the idea of being a wife and a mother. I’m still in the process of learning that selflessness and patience go hand in hand, also that those are the keys to a healthy commitment. I get in my bag sometime because my emotions are ignited, but I always have to remember the child comes first.
Conditioning yourself to those things can be a lot, I can only speak for myself when I say it’s been worth it. I’m still learning though. Stay tuned.
The Storie Will Be Televised