Expose’ On Self Awareness Pt.2

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As I have continue to write, I slowly begin to realize that it is more than a hobby. Its a passion and it has been since I was about 12, when I published my first poem. Writing has always come to me with ease, even in school I could write an essay in 30 minutes. All I had to do was hone in on my topic and be in a place where I could zone out. Most times my thoughts are so scattered they come out as rather long winded sentences.

Concise, but extensive. I’ve always believed I was more than talented. That on top of my intellectualism kind of made me feel superior to regular people. I told yall I wasn’t employee material and being able to not only write out my thoughts, but being blessed with the privilege that is sharing them with you all, has only made it worse.

I sent out Part 1 of this expose’ to my best as I do all of them and she loved it. She never critiques because shes always so proud and full after reading.But this particular time she told me “Only critique is that I wish you offered your readers a bit more self reflection. Talk to them and engage instead of just telling a story.” I wanted to tell her I’m STORIE STONE, stories are what I have for my audience, but I went against it.

I value her opinion probably just as high as I value my own, so I felt obligated to come back and iron out any kinks that I may have left in this transparent cloth. Thats the thing about self reflection, it is imperative that you understand who has your best interest at heart. Learn to be a good judge of character, from there it’ll be easy to see who wants what they THINK you have and those who genuinely want to see you win.

Nothing in my mind said she was being malicious in her critique, hence why I took it to heart and I’m back up at 12:06 am giving you more of me. See because I believe that I’m some sort of super genius I tend to not give my all to things I dont feel are of any importance. I.e. jobs. I honestly feel as if I could do without working for someone else. It serves me no purpose other than to temporarily pay my bills until I’ve grown tired of it, get annoyed and move on to something that excites me a little more for the time being. Nothing holds my attention for too long because I have my heart and mind set on what I want to do for the remainder of my life.

Dropping my fear and insecurities and moving to Georgia on a whim has forced me to not only become the better, more understanding, open and vulnerable me, but it has made me become ok with the fact that I am not a perfect robot and I will make mistakes. Furthermore, when the mistakes are made, I absolutely must be ok with them. Accept them for the mistakes they are, grasp the lesson and move forward. Growing up I was my familys princess.The sun rose and set on my behind and no one but God Himself could tell me different. And if He did, I’d ask my Nana for confirmation because that aint what I was raised to believe! I was ( am still) a spoiled brat.

Hold your judgement, Hes working on me.

I’m sure youre probably wondering where did this whole “expose’” thing come from anyway. Well, at some point I think in your adult life one must take time to sit back and understand where they are in life and why. I’m at this moment in my life, where I’m trying to make sense of the journey. For myself yes, but to also be able learn from it so that history doesnt repeat itself. But, to have the knowledgeable ability to share it with others in hopes that they’ll learn from my mistakes.In the previous piece I spoke about how I utilized what I saw of the men in my adolescence to block my ability to feel and react. Any Sagittarius that is aware of themselves will tell you that we are GREAT at being nonchalant.

I could hard down be in love with the ground you walk on. If I am not ready for you to know that. You will be in the dark until that time comes for me. I’ve always been very good at having my heart and my head on one accord. If something doesnt make logical sense to me, which emotions do not 100% of the time, I would down play them until they did.

I completely wrote them off, swept them under the rug until I figured out why I felt a certain type of way and then decided whether or not I wanted to continue feeling that way. If I didnt, I dealt with it accordingly and vice versa. All of that took me through maturation perfectly ( to my knowledge) and then I got to college where real life started to occur and I was unable to comprehend and explain any emotion aside from anger.

After my biological father was killed, there was a switch in me that was turned off and I never wanted anyone to find that switch. It was too much for me. Maybe thats when I began to equate emotions with control. The scary thing about that equation is that you travel through life recklessly for the fear of being controlled. So you get up in age and its viewed as an issue with authority. Essentially thats what it is, but its so difficult to know the root of that behavior alot of the time.

It took me to hit my head several times to know that if I didnt learn soon, I may crack my skull. I know I’m really smart so my intelligence and talent has always been my kryton. You cant tell me anything, because its almost guaranteed that I know already. So the first step of healing is recognizing that theres a wound. It will be hard. Harder than hard on some days, you just simply wont feel like dealing with whatever it maybe. But you must, or youll never get where youre trying to go or forgive yourself for standing in your own way.

Dont take away what you could experience for the sake of what you THINK may happen. Allow yourself to feel. Wholeheartedly. I used to feel like a little baby crying when I was in any pain ; ;mental, physical, emotional. Now I cry at the drop of a hat and I’m working on learning how to shake it off once I got that good cry out. My mom advised me and I’m going to share this with you all. Write down what worries you and place it where you pray. Cry about it, pray and burn it. At that point those are no longer your worries. Worrying is seriously detrimental to your health.

Stress is the #1 killer of all people. It’ll take a while to understand whats happening in the beginning process of exposing yourself to yourself. You wont like it because you cant run. Dont run, shed that exterior and become. Use what youve gone through to fuel the fire of your dreams. Place that negative emotion into whatever you want to do with your life and allow it to take you to a place of hunger. Live in a mental state of wanting to be better so bad that you work on it everyday. Your happiness depends on it.

Just like my story has touched hundred thousands, yours can too and it will! The only way itll happen is if you make better of it and then love it so much that you desire to share it like me. My journey can be found here http://my.w.tt/UiNb/P8r3OFszgD
I pray reading it does for you what writing it did for me. Turn your lesson of passion into your paycheck.

Hope this helps.

With Love,

Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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