“Get you a 7 and turn him into a 10”
Let’s think about this for a second. Let it marinate. I use ‘him’ generically as it’s clear I’m more than a woman.
The quote can be taken a million different ways as I’m more than certain that it will be. The girls will take it as “Get someone that’s kinda cute and attempt to change him into something you like a little more than what he was initially.” I like to think that the boys will take it the same. The women will hone in on the workload of the 7 to 10 process and weigh their options. In my 26 years of age I’m obviously still in the working portion of maturing from girl to woman. In the beginning I wasn’t taking anything less than a 10, a strong 9 got the ugly side eye.
I’m a beautiful, melanated, orgasm of a woman, so naturally I want the best of the best eye candy on my arm. Here’s where the issue comes in, just like I believe high of myself, the fine men do as well. Thus bringing issues. A multitude of them. Handsome men seem to be the most beautiful, but they’re ugly inside. Most are conceited because their heads have been gassed their entire life by women who know no better. But behind closed doors they have the self esteem of an ant. It’s below zero, thus making them emotionally dependent and/or emotionally stagnant. Trust me I know. ‘The Capricorn’ was all that and a bag of hot chips, but my mans had the crazy mommy issues.
Here’s where life sat me down at. I came across one that I wasn’t prepared for. I wasn’t expecting him of all people to be such a huge part in the opening of my cocoon as I migrate from an emotionally detached, very standoff caterpillar to a vulnerable, yet gorgeous butterfly. But the reality of the situation is,I have fallen. For what I didn’t know I wanted. Fallen for what I never knew I needed. Him and this and us, has been essential. Moments in Love brings him to the forefront of my mind & if you ask me I’m ready. Natural born leadHER. I feel protected when we’re in the same room because I’ve known since conception that mine, don’t play bout his.
My older sister who will further be referred to as the ‘Fairy Squad Mother’ and younger sister who we’ll coin as my ‘Gift From the Sun’ (Hey loves!) have been the most assistance on my journey to unclothed sentiment. Like most I don’t come from a two parent home and up until I got out of my mother’s, I didn’t realize how much of an effect my childhood had on my life in addition to my interaction with others. My mother and I have almost never seen agreement on anything, fashion, money, dreams and of course, men either. I love her because she gave me life, but we’re just two different people. Not that this is a problem, but I just refuse to go her way when it comes to life’s path. Due to my views on how she had become victim to loves lockdown, I’ve become hyper masculine and unconsciously believe that men are unreliable. Therefore once I’ve gotten what I thought I wanted from them they can go.
The constant trial and error was more than exhausting and caused me to be perpetually single. After wringing myself crazy with the fallacy of a rather dry reality with the ‘Capricorn’ I was over men and all they had to offer. In layman’s terms I shut my heart down and turned my savage up. When I got to the point that intimacy was a thing of the past I knew I was damaged. Seems like the further I pushed my feelings under the bed, the more emotional I became. I later realized that I was allowing things to build up and I would soon pop. So when I met my sisters I was relieved, I didn’t have to be Superwoman. Superman could take off her skirt.
Sometimes I cry just because I need to release that energy. It’s my way of getting in tune with my emotion. HE calls me emotional and it still makes me cringe. But I’m learning to let myself feel, learning that love and sensitivity are synonymous and the both of them are completely alright. Necessary even. He’s my first taste and feel of an adult relationship and I enjoy him for that. My sisters are for me what I have been to everyone that has come into my life and its soothing. Its intimate and organic and I crave it. Crave like a the sun craves energy and the love craves communication and life craves oxygen. I’m free. Life is hard and it’s short, so believe in taking what makes you happiest and allow it to run its course, wholeheartedly.
Love yourself and make room for others to do the same. It’s worth it.
The Storie Will BeTelevised