Not So Common

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It appears that there are lots of couples that know collectively, their favorite color is blue and that they want to be together. But the conversations that matter to be held haven’t really happened yet. It kind of makes me curious as to what all they talked about before actually establishing that they indeed wanted to be an item. The uncomfortable topics are what definitely show a couple whether or not they have the power to sustain. Spending habits, intimacy knowledge as well as expectations, children, marriage, and the like. These things are often over looked and underrated. Which is why they are the very reasons that relationships don’t make it past the “honeymoon” phase. Where does your partner stand on the things you believe in most? And are they headed in the same direction that you are in this tumultuous life we lead. QTNA. It is more like dire need for couples to have common end goals in the relationships that they plan to be in for more than just the thrill.

As we’ve gotten older the days of boyfriend and girlfriend are long gone. We want partners, homie, lover, friends. Us 90’s babies are knocking on 30 and in search of two things: security and stability. I’ve had the pleasure of being able to speak with alot of men and women in my generation as a writer and upcoming socialite. To no surprise they all agree that the “player” life is dated and in these days and times, struggle is inevitable.But it feels better to go through it with someone you know loves you genuinely, and has your back. So to know where that person wants to go with their life and have them know that sacred and normally undiscovered information about you as well is a bond on its way to cementing. It is important to not only support, but motivate each other others goals. Not just relationship, but individual as well. They are both equally important. Having separate goals establishes personality and strength in self.

There are certain things in the world of relationships that just cannot be tampered with. Individual and couple goals have to absolutely be in alignment. Thus allowing both to reach dreams, furthermore removing all strongholds and limits from security in how much you all can accomplish as a unit. For alot of people it helps them set their intentions when a time interval is attached to said goal. So discuss with your partner, “What do we want to have completed in 6 months?” “2 years?” “How long is long enough before we want to be married?” As time progresses lots of people are even doing away with tradition. Baring children before getting married was just the kickoff. Now people are buying houses before getting married and even women are proposing marriage to men. None of these things are bad or distasteful, but it feels better and the bond is much more in depth if these pertinent facts are communicated before hand. So time is always of the essence, but some men like my own are aware of what they want for the future, so they focus more on the here and now to ensure the future happens how they imagined.

Alot of us have multiple goals. Like me, my ultimate goal is to become an entertainer. I sing, I write music, and  I dance, but I also love writing. My passion for writing only gets more abundant as I continue to literarily paint my psyche and share it with the world. I love to cook and want to open a restaurant and fashion has always been a widely enjoyed past time of mine. Needless to say, its difficult to capitalize on everything at one time. It’s important to learn to focus on one thing. One does not succeed by being a jack of all trades and a master of none. Speak with your partner and make specific,attainable and realistic goals. That way it leaves room for error and little disappointment. Disappointment will come anyway, that’s life, but with your accountability partner there it’s not as big of a blow. This is where friendship comes in because if and when someone slips or falls short of the goals, pride and pride alone will make you very defensive. But, because it has already  been discussed, you have to remind yourself that this is all out of love and it’s not really a matter of reward or punishment, but more so simple support.

Everyone probably had similar upbringings,but we were all raised different and our methods of achieving our goals may be a tad bit uncanny to the other party. But that’s the beauty in partnership and commonality. We learn to be open minded about how we get things done. Always be willing to ACTIVELY listen, there is a vast difference. Trust me. Listen to comprehend, not just to respond. You miss out on vital information that way. Support what you heard even if it’s different from what you think it should be. My last little pieces of advice are probably the most vital and difficult to learn on your own. Agree to seek, provide and accept feedback. Be mindful of your tone, dialogue and body language throughout these exchanges. My guy pays attention to ALL of that so he knows when I ain’t feeling what he may have said or done. So always do the same. It’s hard because we just feel first, we don’t contemplate our emotions. Understand that no one, not even us WOMEN have all the answers!

Lastly and I’ll leave you love and authenticity following this, but WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS! A dream written down is a plan. Post it somewhere you can view everyday and celebrate when you make it happen!

Hope this helps!

With Love ,

Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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