P Is For Potential

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Men have a tendency to be behind the curve of a lot of things. That’s not to say that women aren’t either. But more so men. Financially, emotionally, and sometime mentally we outweigh them. I’ve heard more than enough times that women are biologically 5 years older than men. It doesn’t surprise me that there are things that they just don’t know. They have an issue with time, keeping up with dates, understanding the importance of appearance and a plethora of other things. But women are getting really fed up with the “getting myself together men” Truth be told a lot of parents have done their children a great disservice . Hear me out. A lot of us grew up with single parents, mainly mothers. Mothers grooming their daughters to be very clean, strong, hardworking, smart, polite and dainty all at the same time. Coercing us with the belief that “No man wants to marry a nasty, weak, lazy woman. And to be impolite is not lady like. Stopping us from getting man. We are trained on how to be of service and attraction to men at a very young age. So by the time we get old enough to be in a relationship, we may not know everything about how it should go, but most of are aware of the basics. Cooking, cleaning and remaining “ladylike”.

Men on the other hand are pretty much allowed to be wild and free for the most part. Yes, they are taught to clean up after themselves and sometimes how to treat and respect women. But that’s about it. And to make matters a little more interesting, they know how they want their mother to be treated, not necessarily how to treat a different woman. And they lean on that lack of knowledge. It’s usually a cop out for them to not have to step up to the plate and provide the woman with whom he’s spending time with what she requires to continue on with him. Let me be clear, this is no shade to those men who aren’t necessarily where they want to be in life. Some of us women ( I.e. me) aren’t either so I don’t throw shade that way at all. A lot of our young men are misguided and that leads them down a very cloudy path. Of course no one wants to endure a financial burden when considering a relationship, however, it does sometime happen! But the difference is the reaction to a hardship. One can be ambitious about it, taking life by the horns and others fall to the latter.

It is pertinent to be able to acknowledge assumptions before being able to breakthrough and move forward. “If he/she really loved me they would just know what I want them to do and do it without my asking.” Another common disbelief is that your partner is a mind reader. They are not and they never will be. That assumption gets everyone’s hopes up only to be broken down because it is God like and unrealistic. Truly. Fact of the matter is, no one is perfect and as much as we may not want to accept that EVERYBODY messes up, that’s reality.

We must learn to see people for exactly what they show us. Not what we believe they can be. It sucks because you want to be able to love your partner into a better person, but that’s literally not possible. And more often than not. You wind up hurt and disappointed because of the high expectations you set upon a person who is still changing. Understand and love people where they are today. Acknowledge the short comings on both ends is the second way to refrain from falling for potential. But it is equally important as the first. I try to only speak from experience and what I’ve been working on improving about myself. I have bad spending habits. I am working on them and I see the progress. When I get paid the first thing I do pay the largest bills. I write out a list of our monthly expenses and mark what I have to pay. I do that for my own sanity to know where my money is going and to ensure that I have enough of it to take care of everything. My guy is really good at money matters, but he is learning to understand that’s a weak point for me. Accepting my flaws where they are. We have discussed flexibility and making sure that home is taken care of before any play time. That discipline has to be taught sometime. It’s easy to make the money, but spending it wisely so you aren’t broke right after receiving it is different. With him I have learned to take care of business first and still have some to be able to enjoy.

The Elephant Journal writer Rebekha Freedom, speaks on a theory called the Price of admission. She leads with this quote:”In order to love someone for who they are it is important to understand exactly what is costs to have them in your life and if you are willing to pay their price of admission. Ironically, individuals with the least amount of self-esteem unwittingly pay the most.It takes failure, relationships, disappointments and achievements to know yourself.” You have to be tested beyond your limits to know what your limits are. She also says, “but in order to truly love another person for exactly who they are in any given moment means liking the person you show up as.” You have to be happy with you and where you are in life and love to be able to fully accept difference in belief, lifestyle and opinion and then exercise the necessary reciprocity. It can and will get difficult. In order to refrain from falling for potential, all of these steps to knowing one’s true self are essential. You are what you attract.

I understand that women have wild expectations, but I also know that they’re achievable. Men have them too. Especially when it comes to appearance and monetary stature. We have to feel like this love is worth it over the potential for it to be concrete and sustain longevity.

With Love,

Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

Below is the link for Ms. Freedom’s article on potential love.

Loving the Person & Not the Potential.

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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