Reality’s Song

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realitys song

“Do you ever listen to a song and remember exactly what life was like when you first heard it?”

My first time listening to SZA’s Love Galore featuring Travis Scott I was in the car headed to work and it just took me back to 2006.  I was 16 and the west side of Chicago’s favorite drug dealer was on my heels. I had never heard this song before, but its like as it played I remembered it being super cold and I was at my aunts during Christmas break. He was tall, nothing less than 6’5,  light skin and dressed to the nines. He was 6 years my senior and that made me feel like a woman. We flirted and he cuffed my 5’4 frame under him while referring to me as his “Luh Mama”. He took me through his hood and showed me off. Bought me what I wanted and made sure everybody knew I was his. I felt like I could live all of lifes dreams out with him and he made those feelings extremely easy. And then I went back to school, life continued and I seemingly forgot about him for a while. 18 came around and I saw him again for the first time. This time he had a chick and a little boy with him, but the child looked older than 2 years old, so now my wheels are kind of turning. Not in the bad way, but I’m just like, so what is all this?

But then I had to shake back and realize Rie you was only 16 baby girl, what were you expecting him to do once you went back to school to finish Algebra 2 and take the ACT to ensure that colleges accepted you?

Even with me knowing all that I was in my feelings when I seen him and I went there. All the way there. Once the chick he was with left with the baby, he wanted to play 2 years ago and I was like UH UH! Told him how I was no longer interested in his shenanigans, this was just a fling and how he could go find him some business. I was young but I stuck to my guns and apparently that really resonated with him. He chased me for years, clean on up until I was 24. I finally let go of all my feelings and the hurt the same. We talked and he apologized for not giving me a fair warning before bringing her around. I had been gone for so long I didn’t know what was going on. Apparently the chick was just the mother of his son and my family knew her because of such.

One kid later by the same woman and I didn’t even care. By 24 I had been in and out of a horrible relationship and just wanted to have some fun. Not too much though. After all I had been through I felt like some nostalgia would bring me peace of mind. And that it did, he made me feel 16 again. I lost myself in him and went too far. By the time I came down off the high from our fling, I was almost 2 months pregnant and couldn’t reach him by phone. Blue was his name. Shouldve named him Black the way he just disappeared when he got ready to. Now who was the fling I sat asking myself as I tried to control my nausea. Nothing but Ginger Ale tasted the same.

I had to come up with the money for my procedure on my own as well as suffered through the termination. Still haven’t really forgiven myself for that, but I wasn’t ready then and I’m not sure if I am now. When I saw him again he looked for me to be huge and I wasn’t. He told me he knew I was pregnant and he was also aware that I’d be a great mom to his child that would forever connect us. He didn’t think I would find the cash when I did or go through the procedure alone. But I did.

While lying on that table letting the doctors extract an unplanned fetus from my body I thought about how many books I read about girls like me who chose the latter. Who decided not to be a baby mama and be comprehensively selfish. The truth of the matter is we was cool and all that, but I let his glitz and glamour get me caught up. I was young and impressionable and he knew it. Riding me around the hood in his new car that I later found out was his moms made my head spin. While I was carrying his child I learned he didn’t have his own place and that made me feel a little better about putting myself first.

Life has a funny way of slowing you down when your moving too fast. Before I heard SZA I couldn’t remember that vividly, but music has a way of speaking to you. They say when youre happy you enjoy the music, when youre sad you listen to the words. I guess SZA made me feel the words and enjoy the lesson.

Go get SZA’s album.

With Love,

Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

 

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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