The Importance Of Healthy Communication In Relationships

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The idea for such an in depth topic came from a man. A very strong man with a profound insight on life and what makes it all go around. The suggestion was cringeworthy. Only because it spoke so much to my personal life and the growth I’m forcing myself to undergo. Receiving the topic from him made me wonder if these things are on every man’s mind. Ladies, are all of our men or the men we want trying to figure out the best way to speak to us and help us understand their feelings without a fight? Fellas is that the case?

Contrary to popular belief the most important part of communication is listening. Listening to understand, not just to respond. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to the realization that most of the time in a relationship, we (women and men) are so guarded. Ridiculously defensive, apprehensive and non-comprehensive. When speaking to our partners or pretending to listen to them the first time there’s a disconnect, because no one wants to be told about themselves from a friend, lover or foe. God forbid the things said hold any truism, the conversation and everything following it take a left turn for the worst. The truth hurts and it stings even more if it comes from someone you can’t run from. Like your lover.

One of the things I’ve come to discover about the world of communication is that there are a few vital components that people tend to overlook. The ways in which we communicate are based on 3 things; respect, level of relationship and companionship. How much or how little the respect extends is the key to how well the conversation will flow. The woman in the conversation may not agree with what her man is saying. Or vice versa and that’s perfectly acceptable. The problem, however,comes because the time to learn self has not been taken properly. Both parties have to have an efficient amount of time to develop and implement their own growth patterns. Dominant personalities tend to clash the strongest. Thus deriving from very strong backgrounds and/or morale. What has to be kept at the forefront of each conversation is that this is a person in which we care for, but they have an opinion. Although we may not agree, we must listen effectively in order to progress. In addition to believing that the love is shared equally and neither party would share information that would punish the other.

The level of relationship, meaning if it’s a fresh romance there’s a high probability that whatever the issue is will be overlooked and swept under the rug. Of course only to resurface later. Reason being is no one wants to take the blame for ruining the “Honeymoon” phase of a relationship. Of course arguing isn’t the most enjoyable part of love, but it is inevitable if each party is being truthful about their feelings. The truth will definitely set you free. It may not be the most easy walk in the park, but even parks get muddy. Disagreements are healthy. The key is to remind yourself to keep your emotions in tact. But if this is a couple thats been together for 6 months or better, it may get ugly. If said couple love each other,it’ll be worked on. Hopefully. At different levels of the relationship you must teach people how to treat you by your action toward them and yourself. Your chosen partner will pay more attention to you then anyone you’d ever imagine. They want to know you in and out, so if they see you treating yourself and those you love with gentleness and care, they’ll do the same thing for you. Reciprocity, karma, they all mean the same thing essentially. Put good into your relationship, get good out.

Lastly, but of course the most essential, companionship. I just believe that there are certain standards one will uphold if your partner is your friend first. Trustworthiness,brutal honesty, loyalty, reliability and accountability are all heavy components of a strong and ever lasting friendship, that has high potential to evolve into a loving relationship. Lack of effective communication starts because the foundation of friendship hasn’t been solidified. When you have a problem in your relationship that you’ve chosen not to share with your partner, you contribute more towards the problem than you realise. Pride, fear of vulnerability, fear of truth, are all things that keep us from being transparent in our stride to openness. When both parties are “besties”, that’ll be the only person you want to tell your secrets too. Good and bad, easy and difficult. Effective communication enables you to sort out your problems with ease together, and have fun at the same time. Learning your partner and finding out how their strengths could help you and how your weaknesses can show them their own is pure intimacy.

My mommy was my blue print for what I didn’t want in a relationship for a long time until I started to open my mind and close my mouth. Relishing in the opportunity to stand on the shoulders of those before me. Although I didn’t agree with her choices in men, she always gave sound advice. The most memorable of all was “There are two things that will make or break a relationship; sex and money.” I didn’t know much then, but I could tell her a heap of things now. She helped a ton in my love life with that tidbit. I recently had a lesson taught to me by my other half about my spending habits. We’re saving for a car. But lil miss Rie went to Puerto Rico and spent 1,500.00 of the savings. Papa Bear was U P S E T, and he let me know about it. I had poked the bear and was unbelievably unprepared for the outcome. Long story short, my spending habits are trash and he let me know about it. I have this complex where I feel like I work hard at a job and I should be able to spend my money on whatever I like. Yes, that’s the case, when you’re single. I am not. I wasn’t receptive to the lesson until once again, Mommy swooped in and said “No No No” you’re acting like a scrub. I couldn’t believe it. I felt like he was trying to control me and my finances. It made me feel like I was submitting when I ran my financial decisions to him, but that’s my man and he pays attention to me. He knows things about me that I don’t because his morals and stability standards are different than my own.

Solving money related issues can create a wedge if you don’t trust your partners leadership. Somethings us women just feel like we should have the authority to do. But single communication and couple talks are totally different and absolutely necessary. Being tight-lipped about a problem will only hurt your relationship and your partner in the long-run. Being able to effectively communicate in a relationship is the perfect way to show your partner how happy you are within it. Listen to Rie, it will be hard. You will roll your eyes and cry and scream because complete understanding forces the hand of interdependence and vulnerability.

It. Is. Worth. It.

With Love,

Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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