The Triangle Effect

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If youve been keeping up with my blogs I’m sure youre aware that I always have a story that fuels the next entry. This one is no different. Ok, so I’m a 90’s baby. I grew up on Martin, A Different World, Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper, The Cosby Show, all shows that promoted the happy monogamous relationship. These shows made me want to be with one man and learn to unconditionally love him and only him and vice versa. I wanted to know what that tv love felt like.So I made a promise to myself that when I got older and started to date and when I made it up in my mind that I wanted to take someone serious, I would deal with one man. Somewhere between 1990 and 2017, the idea of a dual unit has been drastically misplaced and the new era of consensual non monogamy has taken over.

Is it a revolution?

The newest trend on Facebook is the making of videos asking “How to” questions accompanied by pictures answering the question. The one that really caught my eye was a young lady asking “How do you be happy in your relationship when people have so much to say?”In the photos the young lady was pictured with her boyfriend, and her girlfriend. Immediately I was taken aback and at least 5 questions of my own flooded my mind. I got uber curious and decided to read the comments and was even more shocked by what they entailed. Majority of the comments were women tagging their significant other in the post and saying “I want this”. One young lady even went so far as to share her story saying that she was currently in a polyamorous relationship, but with 3 women. They all lived together and they were looking for a boyfriend if I’m not mistaken. The post had reigned in about 1300 comments and almost 300 shares.

Apparently this type of overflowing…love thing has been going on for way longer than I was aware. Polyamory was once called responsible non monogamy by Deborah Anapol Ph.D. author of Love Without Limits published in 1992. As research continued the unconventional love triangle author gave us another piece entitled Polyamory in the 21st Century that was later published in 2010. The preferred academic term is consensual non monogamy or ethical monogamy engaging in loving, intimate relationships with more than one person-based upon the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. (Google) There’s an online magazine called Loving More that has about 15K regular readers, which is a direct indicator that this is not a drill. Technology and the internet have been ruling society for a long while, but for there to be an online magazine with that much traffic, I’m certain there’s a podcast somewhere and a tv show is on it’s way. Mark my words! Ken Haslam is a retired anesthesiologist and polyamorous himself . He has curated a polyamory library at the Indiana University-based Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction. It’s obviously deeper than rap with him.

He too, believes that the internet has given this way of love and life just the spark it needs to be the next big controversial topic in all things socially economic. I asked a very elite group of friends there thoughts on the matter and everyone pretty much said the same thing. “To each it’s own.” Personally, I couldnt be in a polyamorous or polyandrous relationship simply due to the fact that I like my solitude way more than I like alot of things people being one. It took me a while to be ok with the fact that I had grown feelings for the man I’m with now and even then I was agitated with my heart because my mind had quieted itself unbeknownst to me. Polyamory seems like a lot of work. In this day and age us “millennials” are very much so focused on the future. We’re preparing for what we were never actually prepared for; adulthood. Most of us like myself, crave companionship in someone that understands our struggle to want to be great or better than what we’ve known. So the idea of being in a multiple monogamy is literally mind boggling, nerve wrecking even. All of my peers are 90’s babies and came up similar to the way I did. Having more than one partner was abstract and the first thing come to our mind is diseases or the ever so popular “Thats what white people do”. No shade to the caucasians, but our moms raised us to play or be played all that sharing the game stuff got Becky, Sarah and John Tucker written all over it. IMO. As a Grambling grad, I take pride in my research and the further I got into my topic the scarier this thing got for me. Theres a Non profit Polyamory Society and people have seriously fought court custody battles because the home seemed “unstable” and “crowded” I’m going to use quotations so it alleviates the judgment from the statement. Columnist Jessica Bennett delved into the topic and gave more ensight than I was looking for with her quote from well know actress and filmmaker Terisa Greenan. “Polys say they aren’t so much denying their biological instincts as insisting they can work around them—through open communication, patience, and honesty. Polys call this process “compersion”—or learning to find personal fulfillment in the emotional and sexual satisfaction of your partner, even if you’re not the one doing the satisfying. “It’s about making sure that everybody’s needs are met, including your own,” says Terisa. “And that’s not always easy, but it’s part of the fun.”

Part of the fun eh?

Double dutch, kickball, inebriated card games, bowling, cracking jokes, make up; all things that I consider fun. But fun is um, debateable. We’ll chat.

With Love,

Storie Stone

The Storie Will Be Televised

The link to Jessica Bennett’s article on the newest romantic revolt is here:

B R I L L I A N T. Successful Project Product. Proud Black Sheep and all around Thoroughbred. 26. Planted in Chicago,IL | Blossomed in Atlanta, GA

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