To Hell With History!
Since the top of 2017, I’ve been saying that this is the year of the breakthrough. This is the year that women and men the same have to render yourself free of the toxic emotional soul ties that we hold on to for the sake of “history”. History means NOTHING outside of the fact that if you are ignorant to the facts, it will repeat itself.
That has been proven over and over again. Rumor has it that going into the same situation expecting different results is insanity. Now of course everyone isn’t going to admit to practicing insanity, so I’ll use myself for instance. As a young, emotionally retarded, inexperienced teenager I met a guy in a summer program I was enrolled in before setting out for my journey to Grambling. He was everything I thought I wanted; perfect skin, beautiful white teeth, curly hair, he was a smooth talker with a little coin and he dressed well. I knew we would be a power couple if we ever got together. I was 18 when we met, but the romance was short lived because the next day I went to Gram and he went to be a Navy seal. I thought nothing of the distance because we kept in contact through a very close friend of his. He would write her and make sure that he included me in the messages and sometimes he’d find a way to call.
We call ourselves trying to be together at a point, it was just like the Trey Songz video, I’d go home and if he was there at the time we’d spend as much time as we could before he disappeared to go on duty again. And here I am sad, but looking forward to the next time. It got old really fast. Later on I met my ex who will further be known as “the Capricorn” and the Navy seal was a thing of the past. That relationship lasted a strong 2.5 years, all through out my last 2 years of school and I thought he was my Marvin Gaye. He’s an ex, so just like the thrill, he’s now gone. After graduating, I moved back to Chicago where this close friend of his lives as well and we linked up, which naturally put us back in contact with one another and the “story” continues. He was stationed in North Carolina and Grambling is in Louisiana, I moved to Chicago, he’s still there, I move to Georgia, he leaves the military and moves to Chicago. By this time emotions have been thrown all over the place and we think we love one another! But the gag is (Keke Palmer crooked face) WE DON’T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER! What a joke! Ya’ll please don’t be fooled, it gets worse from here.
SO. Now that I live in Georgia and we think we have a fighting chance at being The Carters we call ourselves trying to take it seriously. Life throws us curve balls and he winds up in Georgia as well. But we’ve been fighting so much I’ve blocked him, I want him out of my life because in my best 3LW voice I’m sick and tired of the broken promises, promises. A few weeks later I get a loooooong message via Facebook about how he has moved here to change his life and he wants the opportunity to be the man I fell in love with all those years ago.
But like, who was in love? We don’t even know each other bro!
We go back and forth for months through this emotional rampage and I would find myself crying and then sit back and think about it like, why are you crying? What are you crying about? Just dumb and sensitive for no reason. I would find myself telling him “Choose me, love me” and when he didn’t respond like McDreamy did to Meredith I would cut it off. It was tiring. I felt like I had exhausted all the possibilities of what love had to offer. The reality of the situation was, this whole thing was fantasy. It took him to start talking to another girl and think it was ok to invite the both of us out for his birthday , after all that for me to realize that this was redundant. Our last fight was bad, real bad and it made me look at him in total different light. I was a self- centered condescending ***hole when I wasn’t paying him any attention like he wanted and my career was fake according to him. The love was so fake, but I needed that lesson. I stuck around because he had been in my life since I was 18. I felt like we had built something solid and I owed it to the stars to love him and let him love me.
Again, it was long winded, but life is long winded. Loves, don’t allow time to dictate what you will and will not tolerate. Be sure in your love, it’s worth it.
The Storie Will Be Televised